No offense, but “It’s the woman’s power, idiot”.
Hey again, my little friend.
Today, I want to talk about something I’ve been thinking about for years. I hesitated to write about it on my blog because of that lingering feeling of judgment, the sense of “you don’t have anything new to say.” Many times in the past, I held back and didn’t speak up, partly because that’s how I was raised. But I’m glad I’ve reached a point where I can recognize this tendency and work to manage it.
Don’t get me wrong — I’m a big supporter of constructive criticism and feedback, but I dislike the feeling of judgment. Writing and public speaking are areas I’m continually challenging myself in, pushing beyond my comfort zone to express my thoughts and concerns without the fear of judgment.
Anyway, let’s go back to our main subject for today!
The power of woman’s nature!
This is an article for everyone in our profession, and for everyone in our world, but my main focus is on the people, men or women, who want a better future, and who can imagine a world of equal opportunities. Of course, equal opportunities are not only based on someone’s sex but also on her/his nationality, her cast, her preference, etc.
Of course, this is not an issue or a phenomenon only in the software engineering industry, it’s a legacy of the patriarchy’s decades in our world, but today I am gonna write about our profession. The IT world.
And yes the first step to solving any issue is to clearly notice it and see it. And then think about it consciously, try to find some solutions to tackle it and in the end be proactive, define a goal, and make a plan of how you can achieve it.
But let’s start! Enough of the introduction!
I‘ve had a lot of discussions about gender equality with a lot of people, not only in the Software Engineering industry but in a variety of industries and contexts. And I‘ve heard the same opinion again and again.
Phrases like:
“But why you would hire a woman if I am better?”
“Why would you need a woman?”
“It’s not fair, She got hired because she is beautiful, the men like her.”
“My performance is better, I don’t get why you want a person, I don’t care if she is a woman or not, who is worse than me?”
Ok ok. My good friend. I promise you, that I am doing my best to understand your point of view. I am not gonna tell you if you are right or wrong. I respect your opinion and your point of you.
What I‘ll try to do in this article, is to share my experiences. The only thing I can do. My intention is not to convince you, nor to persuade you. My goal is just to give you my point of view, and please think about it.
It was more than 10 years ago — phew, time flies — when I started my studies at the Technical University of Crete, as an Electrical and Software Engineer. I was a young child at that point. I wasn’t really thinking seriously about the world around me. I remember at that point, we were around 140 students in my class. 130 of them were men and less than 10 women. Do the maths. Around 93% were males. At that time, we were making fun of this sad, if you really think about it, fact.
And yes, I remember myself criticizing them and thinking that they succeeded in the exams because they are women because they are beautiful because there was a guy who helped them because they are women.
As I am writing these lines, the phrase “such a shame” comes to my mind. It’s difficult to accept that at some point in time, you had had this point of view, you‘ve made mistakes. But this difficulty is nothing in front of the feeling you can have when you see your progress. When you see where you stand now. When you realize the growth and the evolution you‘ve done.
Don’t you love that, as well?
Anyway, you’ve noticed again, as in my every article. I do have a more oral writing style. That’s a mechanism to overcome my fear of public writing and of course, my intention to make it easier for you.
Later on, while finishing my studies, I joined a company as a Software Engineer. There, I met some people from my university. Again, the same feeling. The same comments from most of my colleagues and friends. This girl got hired because she is a girl. I remember I had a friend at that point who was blaming a girl in the company because he got rejected. It was really sad, but it is what it is. That’s how he felt. It’s the fucking patriarchy of so many decades. The patriarchy we all grew up with. I love my parents, and I strongly believe that they really respect each other, they really feel equal. I am sure that I didn’t grow up with the best examples and principles from my parents, as they made so many mistakes in the past. It’s not only their fault. The way we grow, the pressure of our community, comments like “You are a man, you have to become a scientist, a lawyer, a doctor, or whatever”, “You are a girl, you have to become a teacher, you should like pink color, you should do that and that and that”.
I don’t know about your country, but at least in Greece, I still hear this kind of comment.
Some months later, we founded our start-up. We are gonna talk about it in a different article. When we started, we were 6–7 males. Was after some months when we were looking for people to help us with the promotion. It was a different case at this time. We had done more than 30–35 interviews and out of these people, we passed 4–5 people in the final round. I couldn’t agree with my colleagues back then, as I found 2 girls much better candidates than the other people. Eventually, I accepted what the majority said and we hired a young male student.
Things didn’t go really well, as the outcome wasn’t what we expected. Sometime later, I recommended to my colleagues that we try some other candidates. And apparently, they agreed with me to hire a young girl who was doing her master's in marketing. Their initial thought was that she is not the right person, she looks a bit passive and things like that. Long story short, the girl, and in my personal opinion, this WOMAN kicked a lot of asses! With the best meaning, you can think of! She set up goals on day one! She brought a completely different way of thinking, and believe me I felt so well! Was really amazing to see how awesome a woman’s mind is. What special power it has.
Foteini, you know how much I appreciate what you’ve done!
Next chapter, please.
Around three years ago I joined KLM. Was one of the most enjoyable experiences I have had in my career but that’s a different article. I remember I joined a beautiful team there. Again diversity was a valid concern. I remember the first day that a young girl joined our team. Her attitude was amazing. You could clearly see the difference. Where most of my colleagues were struggling she came and in a small batch of simple steps she managed to have a significant impact. It was her point of view. As people, we all grew up with specific stimuli. These stimuli are related to our country, related to our age but also related to our sex. And I would say, that’s totally understandable to a certain level. However, I don’t really find a reason why my sister’s room was pink and mine blue, why my sister had to become a teacher and I had to not become a lawyer or whatever, and so on. Fortunately, this is something that has changed a lot in the last few years and I hope that’s not my impression because I left Greece 5–6 years ago. I hope that it’s still the case worldwide. You can let me know in the comments area.
As I mentioned in the comments area, I definitely encourage you to share your opinion there. It’s a nice way to launch some new discussions and learn from each other.
Anyway, I was talking about my lovely colleague at KLM. Was one of the first people, to be really honest and not afraid at all to share her opinion. I‘ve seen many cases where people, are being hesitated to share their opinion because they feel a kind of fear. To be frank, I don’t like these people, however, I might understand their fear. I am one of them, sometimes. I don’t like people who can freely talk to you but not to their superior, who can do it if it’s not harmful to them, who can complain about a situation but do nothing to change it. It’s definitely ok to try and FAIL. It’s the way we can all learn. We are human beings and our mistakes are a beautiful journey to a better version of ourselves.
Do you see? I opened a new branch again. Ok ok! I‘ll close it. Now we are really going back to my colleague.
It was a fantastic feeling to see this girl seeing the world from a completely different point of view than most of my male colleagues. The diversity she brought was more than useful, more than necessary for a brighter future. Her attitude in work-related things was so impactful but what was more impactful was her activism and attitude outside of working hours, where her activity could help many.
I love seeing people like them.
Before going to the next story, I just want to say how lucky and grateful I feel for having female people next to me for more than 10 years now who have taught me so many things. You ❤ can’t imagine the feeling of appreciation I have for having met you! And I say lucky (Laki) because as you already read at the beginning of the article, 10 years ago I didn’t care about it, about sharing moments with a powerful and energetic (female) person, and to be more clear, I didn't appreciate it, so I wasn’t looking for it. Apparently and after years, I love having met them.
So let’s go to the last story of this article before sharing my final thoughts.
Last Christmas, I participated in a volunteering activity in Tanzania. In a small village, called Gongo, we tried our best to empower the locals. More info about this trip can be found in another article I have also written over the last few weeks.
By definition and for most of the people I know in Europe, Tanzania it’s not a stone’s throw. It’s quite far and the trip to these countries is not an easy peasy one. It requires enough preparation, feelings of empathy, caring, and so on but first of all, requires a sign of courage and an eagerness to leave your lovely comfort zone and visit a world where you cannot have your facilities, where you cannot have the security of your house, where you might see pictures you had never seen in your life. More or less, it requires some power.
And again, that’s for the most of people I‘ve talked about this trip. I had a completely different attitude and experience as I love leaving my comfort zone but let’s not talk about me. Why did I mention this story thought?
In this 10-day activity, we were participating, 21 people, and 70–75% were women. And that’s not a random fact. In our discussions with the facilitators, we learned that this percentage is more or less the same in all of the groups. That’s so impressive, isn’t it? I had the opportunity to spend enough time with each person and hear everyone’s story. And to be frank, what I‘ve noticed is that, most of the men mentioned that they didn’t think of this trip as the most difficult one but on the other side women were a bit more afraid to participate. That’s a bit oxymoron, isn’t it? Let me make it more clear.
As a woman, I believe that a 10-day trip to a 3rd world country is really difficult and I might face so many dangers.
As a man, I believe that a 10-day trip to a 3rd world country is not that hard and I am not afraid.
Then as a person who loves maths, I expect, based on the above assumption, that more men would participate.
That’s f*cking wrong! And that’s my point, my friend!
It’s the power of women that can make a difference in our world, in our profession, and in our day-to-day life.
It’s such an astonishing feeling seeing this kind of person, this kind of woman! I loved seeing the willingness of these girls to leave their lovely comfort zone, and their lovely facilities, and contribute their best to the people who need support. Who travels in a country far from their warm house, far from their friends and their family. Such brave souls!
And tell me, wouldn’t you feel great meeting these beautiful women?
I feel great about it. For being able to call those few girls, friends. Thank you, my beautiful ladies! ❤
As I already mentioned, I know so many people who dream of a world of gender equality but they are willing to do nothing about it. I don’t know if it’s my impression, but people in general lack proactiveness. We cannot wake up one day and have a world of equal opportunities. That’s something we have to accept, something we have to digest, and then move forward with ACTIONS.
As you can see in the image above gender equity is exactly that, it’s our way toward gender equality. I please you, my friend, try to convince yourself that we are not in the same “starting position” as men. And that’s not because of you, I don’t judge you. This is because of historical and social disadvantages. Treating women, gender-diverse people, and men equally might not actually be fair. In fact, it can create further disadvantages.
What you can see in the following image is the way.
Let’s think about it for a moment. As I mentioned I love Maths.
According to the demographics and statistics in the US, ~67% of the people in the Software Engineering industry are male and ~25% female. The rest of them is unknown according to the stats.
Spoiler alert, I know that you might not be ready for discussing this unknown. I would love to do it though. I would love to discuss the problem of having two genders in most of the world. You are what you feel. I do have a separate article about gender (not only male, female) self-identification.
So back to the Maths. Let’s take a simple scenario.
Let’s suppose that now we are in company with 100 people, we have 70% of men, aka 70 men and 30 women.
If the following year, I want to hire 20 people, I give equal chances to females and males or any other gender and what that means is hiring the best people no matter their gender. We take for granted that 70% of these 20 people are gonna be men and the rest, women. So, at the end of the year, I am gonna have 84 men and 36 women. So percentage-wise I won’t have any difference compared with the initial situation.
But let’s see something else. What if we agree to hire 20 people, but this time the best 10 male candidates and the best 10 female ones?
At the end of the year, I am gonna have 80 men and 40 women.
Percentage-wise I am gonna have 66.6% of men and 33.4% of women.
Which makes a difference, right?
We start from
- Men percentage: 70% → 66.6% — Our end goal: 50%
- Women percentage: 30% → 33.4% — Our end goal: 50%
We are getting better! You can use the math, and your mind as well, to see how fast you want to achieve your goal.
And yes, I can hear and clearly see a case when a better (hard competencies-wise) person can be rejected. But correct me if I am wrong my friend, but wasn’t that happening for years, decades, or even centuries?
Let’s agree on that. Historically the woman’s position was much below a man’s one.
So what we can do in order to flip this coin? I am gonna tell you what I do, as I am sure, we cannot change the world if we don’t change ourselves first. And if you think about it, we change the world in this way. Not a lot, but we change.
And as a lovely person out there has written in a book she gave me, a quote from Santosh Kalwar,
We are addicted to our thoughts.
We cannot change anything…
If we cannot change our thinking…
Btw, thank you for the book, little lady.
As a person who loves the woman’s nature, who loves the woman’s mind and mindset, I am doing my best to encourage people around me to hire more and more women. As for my teams, with all of my respect for my ex and current colleagues, I even vetoed that the next person who would join my team should be a woman. I participated in a lot of activities to promote diversity and gender equality in our sector and along with some of my colleagues, men, and women, we aim to empower these beautiful minds. I love seeing that the company I work for has this goal of diversity. And to be honest, that’s something I really consider when I review a company.
Because at the end of the day, it’s the woman’s power.
